It’s so much simpler than I keep expecting it to be.

It has been 5 days now of prioritizing play and I am buzzing. There’s something so magical about making this commitment to my inner child. I feel like it has given my soul permission to come out and play. The first day I felt compelled, for the first time since my pup crossed over last June, that I actually wanted to leave early before work and go for a swim in the ocean. Maybe since even before then. But this time it was a no brainer. Living on Maui, it can often feel like an obligation to enjoy the great outdoors. If I know anything about my inner child, I can tell you that she does not like obligations… of any kind. So, doing something fun out of obligation to myself can even be daunting sometimes. But that wasn’t the vibe on this day. It was like I had given a part of myself permission and that part was ready to take full advantage of it.

Day 2, I asked myself what I could do that would feel freeing and fun. Following the response, I dressed up in my beret and red lipstick and played French music while pretending to smoke a very long cigarette and prance around in a very stereotypical “French” way. It was glorious.

Day 3, I woke up with a splitting headache that I couldn’t shake. I wanted to self blame and shame for not feeling up to the challenge but also remembered that those defaults are stake. I could repeat those cycles or I could use this momentum to break them. I chose the ladder by putting myself down for a nap. Later that evening, before bed, I felt the desire to create art but wasn’t up for pulling out all of my supplies. So, I asked myself what sounded like fun, and I remembered how much I loved making cute notes during my school classes and was often reprimanded for it. Now that I understand neurodivergence and myself better, I realize that making the notes was the only way I could focus on the lesson. So I sat at my desk and pulled out all of my pretty gel pens (the ones that I am always saving for something special) and I grabbed a lined notebook and made myself a note. Not to achieve any purpose or to be productive, but to keep my word to my child self, continuing to build our bond and gain her trust.

One thing that I continuously learn about being in authenticity is that everything that we want or try to be, starts becoming a natural byproduct of who we are when we are being our authentic selves. Meaning in this moment, me being true to myself led me to make this beautiful affirmation to myself. All the while, biting my thumb at the teachers who scolded me for being authentically me. I was able to offer healing to other parts of myself and make some affirmation art, which became a meditation. Having in the past done all of these things, it cannot escape me how different it feels to be these things.

Day 4, When my timer went off, I stopped what I was doing and turned on some music that I love and started singing at the top of my lungs. This isn’t meant to be a chore, it can be as simple as that. What’s most important is that it’s fun and that you keep your word to yourself. Which is another by product of this challenge. That you are building trust with yourself, not by making a commitment to something that you don’t want to do and keeping it, but this time by doing something that’s fun. Same effect…but fun!

Day 5 came in on me fast. I was about to jump in the shower when my timer went off so there I stood, in all my glory. There was nothing left to do but to dance. So, I played Jerusalema on loop and danced freely and completely naked in my living room. Now, I have a lot of impromptu dance parties, and I am often in walking around my house in my birthday suit. But allowing myself the freedom to move and feel my own skin and the air all around me, it was magic!

I have admittedly started and abandoned more new habits in my life than I can possible recall but this one is different. It lighting me up inside. Reigniting a spark that I didn’t realize had been so greatly dimmed. For those of you who like to keep a written journal, I have created a companion for this journey that provides insights and ideas for each part of the challenge as well as thought provoking journaling prompts for the entire 13 week journey. You can find and purchase it here.

Have you started the challenge yet?

What are you waiting for?

Tell me all about it in the comments. I can’t wait to hear from you.